Divorce

Few things in life are more painful than the breakup of a marriage. Marriage is an institution ordained by God. Most people are married in some type of religious ceremony. Sometimes, though, societal influence or human failings and shortcomings get in the way.

The Christian ideal for marriage is for one man and one woman to be freely and totally committed to one another as companions for life. For some, however, dreams of a "marriage made in heaven" have been dashed when the reality of life comes to bear on the relationship. Differing expectations and goals, differing financial philosophies, unfaithfulness, and isolation are only some of the contributing factors when a marriage fails. What pressures can be so painful as to make a man and wife negate the vows they made to love one another "in sickness and in health…'til death do us part?"

Some with a 50-50 view of marriage have seen the relationship with their spouse decline as one partner or the other cannot deliver on his/her fifty percent. Couples with a 100-100 commitment usually are much more successful! Others, in our romantic culture, make shallow commitments to marriage partners based on physical attractiveness, shallow infatuation, or a charming personality. Many marry before they are mature enough or wise enough. Some are simply too idealistic and unrealistic. For some, it is still a mystery to them how they got to the point of the separation and splintering of their relationship. None of the above reasons, however, means that a marriage must always fail. Many couples with the help of God and the Bible have developed the necessary wisdom to fashion a diamond out of their relationship that used to be a mere lump of coal.

A few marriage partners do not desire divorce. Possibly you are in this position. Others who have divorced their spouse now regret that the break up ever took place. Some are contemplating separation even as they read this page.

A feeling of aloneness and isolation accompanies many who are going through divorce. Sometimes, close friends withdraw, not wanting to "take sides" as the marriage comes to an end. Some even feel abandoned and isolated from their God. It seems as if no one knows what they are going through. It seems as if no one really cares. But God knows…and God cares.

What To Do If Divorce Happens

Some exhibit unhealthy responses to the experience of divorce. Entertaining thoughts of anger, revenge, or depression only makes the situation worse. Some go to the other extreme, telling themselves and others that, "the best thing that ever happened to me was when he/she left!" This type of denial only masks the pain and very real tragedy of the experience they are going through.

Others have instead tried to make the best of a bad situation. The Bible states, "that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). It is, thus, important to have a love relationship with God, who created you and loves you. It is also vital to be totally sold-out to finding His purpose for your life. Notice the verse above did not say, "All things are good." Divorce is a tragic event, but God can work it out for good.

Divorce is a life-changing event. Still, life is not over for those who are experiencing the pain of divorce. God still loves you just as much as He always did. Many divorced persons have learned and grown through this experience. For some, the experience of divorce has led them to another life-changing event – a new and deeper relationship with God.

Forgiveness is a key term for those experiencing the pain of divorce. Many feel guilt and conviction over their part in contributing to the brokenness and estrangement that overcame their marriage relationship. In times like these one should simply confess one's share of the responsibility and ask God's forgiveness. At this point it is important to remember that God incarnate, the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, had as His whole purpose in coming to earth the revealing of His desire to forgive you and put you into a right relationship with Himself. He is willing to forgive every sin and shortcoming.

Forgiveness of self may be necessary. Some are plagued by guilt, and the question, "How could I have let this happen?" God, who stands ready to forgive you, desires for you to forgive yourself and go on to have an abundant life in relationship with Him.

Forgiveness of others may be necessary. Why should you allow your former spouse to continue to control you by causing you to hate him or her? Forgive any hurts, angry words, abuse, and other past wrongs – even if they still continue. Many state that the most freeing experience they have ever had was to forgive another.

Remember that reconciliation is possible. Never give up on reconciliation. There may even be the chance that a failed marriage can be successfully restored. Sometimes a former spouse remarries, closing the door on the restoration of the marriage. In Christ, relational restoration can still take place for the sake of you, the children, (if any), and especially for the sake of God and in obedience to Him.

You can invest your life creatively and redemptively even when divorced. Many times there are children who need special attention – a special investment of your life in their lives. Remember, they have gone through the divorce, too. God may plan for you to help other people who will be going through this same experience. You more than anyone else may be able to offer a listening ear or a sympathetic support to someone else. Many have found a new career calling in life even after divorce. Remember, God can work it out for good.

We are in every circumstance responsible for seeking out God's purposes for our lives. The Bible states that God is always seeking the redemption of His creation, wanting to give them a full and meaningful life (John 10:10). You can be confident in asking for God's blessings as you venture forth in the exciting journey of life in relationship with Him.

Jesus Christ offers you a life of worth, love, purpose, and fulfillment: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10). We have prepared a page that explains how you can accept Jesus Christ’s gift of life. We invite you to go to How To Become a Christian now, and let us know your decision. Perhaps you want to find a place in your local community where you can receive help and encouragement. We will be happy to refer you to a local Baptist church.  Please fill out and submit the request form here.

Suggested Reading

The first and most important resource for any need is God’s Word, the Bible. We have suggested some Scriptures which apply to this topic. For additional suggestions, see our page, Where to Look in the Bible.

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