Changing Homosexual Behavior

The person who has been involved in a homosexual lifestyle and decides to try to change that orientation has accepted a major challenge. But it is a battle worth waging. The Bible teaches that heterosexual marriage is the context for human sexuality, and thus offers a greater hope for the kind of happiness and fulfillment which God intends for us. Even more important, since the heterosexual lifestyle is a part of God's plan, the person trying to change can rely on God for help.

Not much has been done in the way of reliable research regarding changing from the homosexual orientation. It should be encouraging to know that people are changing. Naturally, change is easier for those who have not had a deep or lengthy involvement in homosexuality, but even some older homosexuals who have spent years in that lifestyle have found that change is possible.

Studies do indicate that a strong desire for change seems to be the key factor. Some find the necessary motivation in the fear of hurting their families, of losing their jobs, of disease, or of friends' attitudes. Many have found their motivation in the knowledge that God regards homosexual behavior as sin. Since they desire to please him, they have abandoned their homosexual behavior. It is important for these people to realize that they can trust God to fill the void in their lives that is left when they break off their old relationships and activities.

When a person decides to change, there are some practical steps to be taken. First, avoid homosexual contacts, break old habits, and begin to form new relationships. Concentrate on developing nonsexual friendships with people of both sexes. Very often the person who adopts the homosexual identity has wrong notions about his or her own gender, and also about the opposite sex. These nonsexual friendships can help to correct some of those notions. In regard to the opposite sex, do not at this time look for romance, but rather focus on learning to relate comfortably in a social situation. Develop an appreciation for the opposite sex; learn about sexual differences.

Persons dealing with homosexual tendencies need to be a student of their own background: the kinds of experiences in childhood or youth which might have helped to shape their sexual orientation. They need to widen the scope of their self-identity, and begin to change the way they view themselves--not thinking of themselves as "a homosexual," as if the sexual orientation represented the totality of their personhood. Actions should be viewed as being in the category of choices rather than compulsions.

It will be imperative to have the help of a skilled counselor in this process, someone who is in tune with the decision which has been made regarding goals and one who believes change is possible. Unfortunately, many counselors concentrate on helping the person feel good about him/herself and discount the possibility of change. A family doctor may be able to help locate a counselor who has the skills needed to guide in ventilating feelings, getting a more objective view of the situation, discovering the roots of the problem, and taking positive action.

Caring Christian friends will be an absolutely crucial part of any process of change. Persons who are not presently a member of a church which can give that kind of acceptance and nurture should seek one out. Exodus International is a Christian organization which has helped many individuals to change. They will literature and information about a local outreach near you. Their address is:

Exodus International North America
http://www.exodus-international.org

The most important resource for guidance and strength is God. He cares about each of his children, he created us for a joyful purpose, and he wants to help us fulfill all that is within us to be. While he has ordained certain standards and norms for our happiness as human beings, still his love and mercy are extended to all persons, regardless of their circumstances. He will guide, strengthen, and empower the person who sincerely is seeking change, whatever the situation.