Homosexuality -- Finding Help

Is homosexuality wrong? Is it possible to change homosexual feelings? Is homosexuality innate, or learned behavior or chosen lifestyle? If it is innate, why would God condemn me for being the way he created me?

Many who ask these questions are Christians who are confused about the seeming contradiction between scripture teachings and their personal experiences. Coming to terms with their sexual orientation is very difficult. They have been led to think that they are bound to a particular lifestyle and must give up hope of ever changing. They may even think that God has forsaken them, since their sexual feelings do not conform to the teaching of the Bible.

For those who are wrestling with these questions, there is good news. Persons involved in ministries to homosexuals, many of whom have themselves broken away from the homosexual lifestyle, state that people with homosexual tendencies can change. One even reports that at least 80% of those whom he has counseled are making it. Changes, therefore, can be made.

The Christian with homosexual tendencies can also know that God has not forsaken him/her. God continues to reach out to the homosexual just as he reaches out to those who struggle with other life-dominating sins. While God hates sin, he continues to love the sinner. He wants to help each of us to make the changes we need to make if we are to be conformed to the image of his Son.

However, God's love for us doesn't mean that we no longer have to struggle with various sins. Being a Christian does not protect us from problems or temptation. The homosexual who is striving to follow Christ will still be faced with a lifetime of temptation just like the heterosexual. Continuously compromising self, dwelling on sinful actions or memories, and placing him/herself in tempting situations can lead any Christian to become dominated by sin

Self-control, then, is a big factor in leaving the homosexual lifestyle. Unfortunately, some are unable to regain or maintain control of their sex lives. They may be addicted to sex, just as an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol. The alcoholic becomes controlled by thoughts of getting the next drink; in the same way, both the homosexual or heterosexual can become controlled by sexual thoughts and desires. Once the addiction becomes entrenched, the individual may feel as if he/she cannot break loose.

Of course, not all those with homosexual tendencies are addicted to sex. Many may be in control of outward behavior, but struggling with thoughts and feelings. In these situations it is important for the individual to understand early life experiences that may have influenced current feelings.

Several counseling approaches deal with early influences in one's life. Individual, group and family therapists abound. Some may have extensive experience in working with those breaking away from the homosexual lifestyle, while others have very little or none. Careful choice of a therapist is, therefore, an imperative for the person who is serious about such a change.

A somewhat more effective source of help might be one of the many newly-formed sex abuse or sexual trauma clinics. The high rate of sexual abuse and molestation in childhood which homosexuals have suffered suggests that this issue needs to be faced if recovery is to be successful. Many times sexual patterns and/or sexual identity relate to these early experiences. Only by working through the early experiences will an individual be able to adopt new patterns of behavior and a different sexual orientation.

To those looking for a resource of help, Exodus International offers many resources.

Exodus International North America
http://www.exodus-international.org

This group is dedicated to equipping and uniting agencies and individuals and in ministering to those who are interested in liberation from homosexuality. They provide updated referral lists of qualified ministries to those seeking resources and practical help.

Most important of all, Christ is available and willing to provide encouragement and spiritual strength to those who turn to him. Even those who have failed repeatedly can turn to him again for forgiveness. Even those who have prayed repeatedly for a "miraculous" change can find new strength to deal with temptation.

Even though patterns of willfulness and addiction may have been established, a willingness to change, appropriate help, and support from Jesus Christ can help a homosexual person begin to rework the tapestry of life into patterns which offer the hope of fulfillment and freedom rather than frustration and bondage.