Boosting Your Childs's Self Image

One of the most important aspects of personal growth is developing a healthy self-concept. What we think of ourselves, and the way we decide how to value ourselves, makes more difference than almost any other factor in determining what we do with our lives.

Parents have the awesome responsibility and privilege of guiding their children to develop a healthy sense of self. Following are some guidelines to help in that task.

PRAISE

Everybody needs praise, but not all praise is equal. To be effective, praise must be genuine: "I like the way you are remembering your assignments," rather than, "Wow! You're so smart you'll soon leave all the other kids behind."

The most effective praise may be directed toward the child's weakest areas: "I know it's hard for you to keep your room clean, so I'm really proud of the job you've done this week." By letting her know you notice her efforts in these tough areas, you bolster her confidence.

CRITICISM

Help your child develop the "emotional shrug" to handle criticism. Learning to distinguish between justified and unjustified criticism is a big first step. Then the child can learn to respond to justified criticism by agreeing and thanking the person. He can also learn to respond politely to unjustified criticism and let it "roll off his shoulders."

TEASING AND INSULTS

These are really the same as unjustified criticism, and the "emotional shrug" is appropriate. Empathize with your child and help her learn to respond kindly and with pride to such behavior.

REJECTION

It's tough to be overlooked for an honor, not invited to a party, cut from the team, or turned down for a date. Through patience and empathy help your child to affirm his worth despite disappointments. Teach him to work on being his best self, developing positive relationships, and emphasizing his strengths.

Help your child understand that she will not be the best in everything, and some people will not like her, but that she is a good person and is important to you and to God.

APPEARANCE

Encourage your child to learn to like his appearance even if he isn't a "hunk" or she isn't "Miss America." Teach good grooming and help him learn how far a smile can go toward making a person attractive. If she really is overweight or underweight help her to work toward healthy eating and activities to normalize the weight, but don't push.

MISTAKES

No one can be perfect, so help your child learn how to handle mistakes and failures. Tell him about your own failures and how you got past them.

Teach your child to set reasonable goals and work toward achieving them, but not to be dismayed when she comes up a bit short. Show her that giving your best effort is more important than succeeding.

SPIRITUAL RESOURCES FOR SELF-IMAGE

Your child is a person of worth because God created him as a person of worth--and that's true of you, too.

Sometimes we teach children, "God loves you when you are kind . . . or do your homework well . . . or mind your parents" . . . or whatever else we want them to do.

We should be teaching them, "God loves you!" Period, exclamation mark, and definitely no question mark!

The very best source of a healthy self-esteem, for your child, and for you, is knowing you are accepted and loved by God. Then, on the basis of his acceptance and love, you can accept yourself and free yourself to be all you can be.

ADDITIONAL READING

The first and most important resource for any need is God’s Word, the Bible. We have suggested some Scriptures which apply to this topic. For additional suggestions, see our page, Where to Look in the Bible.