Changing the Patterns

Everyone has seen beautiful tapestries with multi-colored patterns and designs woven together. They are usually the product of painstaking effort over an extended period of time. When begun, no design is visible. Only after the various shades and colors are brought together is a pattern discernible. Then the tapestry is a finished product, revealing what appears to be a plan behind the arrangement of shapes.

In many ways, our lives are like that. Physical, social, emotional, and spiritual colors are brought together in our lives to form patterns. Throughout childhood and adolescence no design may be evident. Not until later adolescence and adulthood do patterns become visible. Then, what appears to be a finished product seems to reveal a plan behind the arrangement of feelings, thoughts and actions.

All people are shaped by early experiences. We become the people we are because of their influence. Most of us learn to view ourselves--and life in general--through the filter of these experiences. It is through such events that we develop patterns of relating to ourselves and others. In addition to good feelings and attitudes, we have a variety of negative and harmful patterns woven into our lives. But even though they may be very strong, these thoughts and feelings and actions are not predetermined and unchangeable.

In fact, just the opposite is true. The Master Designer has planned something far different. He wants each of us to have a life without pain or disease, heartache or worry. The problem is that God's plan has been spoiled because of sin--either our own sin, or the sins of others. But if we understand these negative patterns, we can begin to reweave the patterns of life.

One pattern involves the way emotional needs are met. Everyone has the need for nurturing and closeness. The child as well as the adult will search for ways to have this need met. If there was a lack of closeness or if emotional needs were met in unhealthy ways in the family, patterns of manipulation, codependency, or alienation may develop. It may then be difficult for that person as an adult to relate to others in emotionally healthy ways.

Another pattern involves thought processes and ideas. A child's mind is like a tape recorder, imprinting the information, concepts, values, and attitudes being passed on from parents and other adults. If some of these patterns of thinking were faulty or unhealthy, the adult who grows from the child must "turn down the volume" on those tapes and learn to rethink and reframe those concepts in order to establish sound relationships in life.

A third pattern focuses on the need for self-worth. Negative experiences in childhood may lead an individual to think he or she is worthless. Degrading remarks by parents or negative labeling by peers may prompt a young person to look for acceptance in harmful ways. This sets up a destructive cycle of wrong choices which only cause lower self-esteem. Relationships then follow a painful pattern of distrust, defensiveness, frustration, and resentment.

While these patterns may be difficult to unravel, they can be rewoven gently and carefully into new patterns. With a willingness to change and with appropriate guidance from those trained to help, we can rework the tapestry of life. The greatest source of strength and guidance in this process is to be found in a relationship with God. He is able to provide encouragement, will power, and spiritual strength to reweave the patterns and find the beautiful design which the Master intended.