Common Sense About Sexual Fantasies

At any stage of life, thinking about sex is normal and virtually universal. Difficulty in coping with these sexual thoughts or fantasies is experienced by nearly everyone to some extent. The important thing is not to be dominated by sexual fantasies. There are some practical steps which can be taken to relieve anxiety about the problem.

The first is to recognize that these thoughts are a normal and healthy part of your personhood. You need to establish realistic thinking about your own sexuality, so that you will neither be obsessed by sexual thoughts nor feel guilty about them. Dwelling on these thoughts to the exclusion of other important elements of your selfhood creates a one-dimensional, distorted personality.

Sublimation and substitution are useful in dealing with these thoughts. Fill your mind with good, wholesome thoughts, even in regard to sex. Focus on appropriate types of romantic involvement rather than fantasizing about sexual activity which either is inappropriate for you or unhealthy from a psychological viewpoint. Good reading, good activities, and being thoroughly and accurately informed about sex will help to dispel much confusion.

Good associations are vital. Try to have a broad range of activities and friendships rather than spending a great deal of time alone letting your mind wander. Staying busy and investing your energies in exercise and recreation can help you to turn your thoughts to less troubling subjects. In the process of developing good social relationships you will learn to think of persons as individuals rather than as sex objects. You will not wish to exploit someone you care about as a person, even in mental fantasies.

While you may not be able to control all the thoughts which pass through your mind, you can do something about how you fuel those thoughts. As someone has said, "He who would keep his garden tidy does not reserve a patch for weeds." If you are serious about handling sexual fantasies in a healthy way, it is only reasonable to monitor the sorts of influences you bring into your life: movies, books, magazines, music. Stay away from places that sell pornography or sexual experiences. There's not much point in praying "Lead us not into temptation" if we plan to lead ourselves there!

The most important idea is that Christianity does not view sexuality, sexual thoughts, or sexual acts as dirty or sinful. It is the choices we make about our thoughts and instincts which determine whether they are appropriate for a Christian.  God created your sexual capacity as an important part of your personhood. He will help you make it a positive aspect of life rather than a frustration, if you earnestly seek his will and guidance.

Spiritual resources are important for a balanced approach to handling any circumstance of life. In a relationship with God, people have the assurance that God is with them always.