Self-Image

How do you define yourself? What gives you worth? Who or what is responsible for the way your life has turned out? Are you good or bad? These are some of the questions which surround considerations of self-image.

How we view ourselves determines much about our own satisfaction with life as well as our relationships with other people. The Bible has much to say about the way we see ourselves, cautioning us to think neither more nor less of ourselves than is appropriate (Galatians 6:3-4). Some doctors say poor self-image is the most prevalent illness they see in their practice. Since a positive self-image is so important, and a negative self-image so frequent, it seems essential to discover principles for developing a healthy self-image.

UNDERSTANDING IDENTITY VS ROLE

When asked who you are, how do you respond? Most people respond by identifying their role – spouse, parent, occupation, church affiliation, citizenship. All of these speak of role, not of identity. What's the difference?

Roles identify our place in society, the functions we perform, the relationships of which we are a part. We all have several roles. A woman might be a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a teacher, a committee chairman, and a church member. Occupying multiple roles does not ordinarily create problems for us. We usually occupy different roles successively rather than simultaneously, and the situation itself suggests which role is active at a given time. The woman functions as mother when she is helping her children get off to school, as teacher on the job, and as chairman of the committee at the meeting. Problems emerge only when role conflict or role incompatibility occurs.

Role conflict occurs when a person simultaneously must fill two roles with competing or antagonistic expectations. The woman has a sick child and needs to stay home to fill the mother role – but it is the day for introducing an important concept to her students, and she feels the need to fill the teacher role. Role incompatibility occurs when a person perceives contradictory expectations of his/her role. A man has learned from his father to be "macho" means hiding emotions, but his wife needs for him to communicate his feelings to her.

Our roles are important in developing our concept of ourselves, but there is a problem in basing our identity on a role we fill. What happens when that role changes? The woman who based her whole identity on her role as wife finds her identity gone when her husband dies or her marriage ends in divorce. The man who has built his identity around his career role may experience personal as well as financial devastation when he loses his job.

It’s important, then, to develop our sense of identity aside from our roles. We must discover, at the center of our natures, who we really are. What beliefs form the basis for our decisions? What values drive us?

Only discovering who we really are at the core of our being will enable us to integrate all of our roles into a whole which makes sense. When we have defined ourselves in terms of basic identity we can cope with conflicting, incompatible, and changing roles from that central point of reference.

THE IMAGE OF GOD

The basic truth underlying discovery of this central, core identity is the recognition of being a person created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). This means we have the capacity of responding to God, of communicating with Him, and of growing in His likeness. It means He has declared us to be persons of value (Psalm 8, Matthew 6:26).

Consider two dimensions of who we are. The outer, physical dimension allows us to participate in the world. Through the five senses we communicate with the environment and other people. The inner dimension encompasses our mind, will, and emotions. Through this dimension we think, make decisions, and feel.

In light of these dimensions, perhaps one of the most important aspects of the image of God in us is free will. God made us in His image, with the capacity of exercising our own will. We are therefore free, choosing individuals.

FREEDOM AND RESPONSIBILITY

If we are free and can choose, it inevitably follows that we are also responsible. We welcome the freedom God gives us, but we often shrink at the responsibility. We would like to be the "child of God" and allow Him to take over. He could make all the decisions, clear away all the obstacles, and take the responsibility for all the problems.

Of course it doesn't work that way. With the freedom comes the responsibility. Each of us is responsible for our own choices. Certainly there are some "givens" in life which we must accept and cannot change. We can't always choose our circumstances or control what comes our way. Still, one basic freedom – and resulting responsibility – can never be taken away. This ultimate freedom/responsibility is our right and responsibility to choose how we will respond to what life brings.

Thus, each of us is a person created in the image of God, with full freedom and responsibility to choose our responses to life. We are not responsible for what comes our way, whether good or bad. We are not responsible for what others may do or fail to do. We need not live as helpless victims of a cruel or unjust fate.

Identity therefore need not be dependent on the "happenings" of life. We may have had bad breaks in the past. We may not have had the environment of love and nurture which we needed. Friends or family may have let us down. We are not responsible for those circumstances, and we don't have to base our self-concept on them.

There must come a point, however, at which each of us says, "All right, this is what I have to work with. It's not the best in the world, but I will do what I can with what I have." That is the point at which we begin to take responsibility for our choices. This realistic acceptance is the basis for discovering and internalizing a healthy, biblical self-image.

REALISTIC AFFIRMATION OF SELF

Taking responsibility for ourselves means affirming who we are. It means recognizing our strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. We can think of strengths as those aspects about ourselves which we like and can reinforce, our weaknesses as those aspects we don't particularly like and can work at changing, and our limitations as those aspects about ourselves which we can't change.

Many of us grew up in an environment which emphasized good and bad, right and wrong. Consequently, we have a great need to define ourselves and everyone else in those absolute terms. Make no mistake about this – God has declared absolutes of right and wrong, and life is best when we acknowledge and live in harmony with His absolutes. That is different from seeing ourselves as totally good or totally bad.

Affirming self requires acknowledging characteristics we would like to change about ourselves, while not rejecting ourselves because of them. Affirming self does not mean just saying, "Well, that's the way I am – take me or leave me." Rather, it means honestly accepting responsibility for our choices and earnestly searching for who God wants us to be.

GENUINE AFFIRMATION POSSIBLE ONLY IN CHRIST

By the act of creation, God has declared each of us important. Christ has also demonstrated how much He values us by dying on the cross for us. God created us and redeemed us for a joyful purpose and has given us good gifts to share with others. The task of life, then, is to accept God's redeeming work on our behalf, to identify the gifts He has given us, and to follow His guidelines for using those gifts. Meaning and fulfillment in life and a healthy self-image naturally follow.

We can find that purpose only in Christ. This is the promise Jesus Christ gives us: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! . . . God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:17,21) .

Truly finding our identity and developing a healthy self-image, then, involves committing all we know of ourselves to all we know of Christ in a relationship with God. By thus uniting our own spirit with the one who created us in His image we can find wholeness and purpose. In that purpose we can claim our identity.

Perhaps you came to this page because you feel unworthy, unloved, unnecessary, and unfulfilled. Jesus Christ offers you a life of worth, love, purpose, fulfillment, and peace: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10). We have prepared a page that explains how you can accept Jesus Christ’s gift of life. We invite you to go to How to Become a Christian now, and let us know your decision. Perhaps you want to find a place in your local community where you can receive help and encouragement. We will be happy to refer you to a local Baptist church for help (church referral link here).

HELPFUL RESOURCES

The first and most important resource for any need is God’s Word, the Bible. We have suggested some Scriptures which apply to this topic. For additional suggestions, see our page, Where to Look in the Bible.