Friends - Who They are and How to Get Them

Friends are one of the most important aspects of our lives. Yet most people have only four or five real friends in a lifetime. They have many acquaintances, but very few friends. Friends are usually people who have a great deal in common, who care deeply about one another, who never hurt one another purposely.

You may not have any real lifetime friends at this time, and that's normal. In the teen and young adult years, you are changing every day, and the kinds of people you like are changing. The people around you are changing too. When you begin to settle into being the person God created you to be, you'll begin to find people who can be real friends.

A friend is someone who offers help when you need help and who accepts help from you. A friend cares about what you think, want, need and do. People cannot care that deeply about too many people, and this makes true friendship rare. The best basis for friendship is shared interests. Friends enjoy being together because they like the same types of activities. Being involved in interesting activities opens the door for finding friendship.

All of this is important for two reasons:

1.    You should not feel upset, guilty, or inadequate if you don't have a lot of friends. Many people who think they have lots of friends really don't. Even if you don't have one friend at your age, don't worry about it. You can worry about it when you get to be 25.

2.   Don't confuse "peer groups" with friendship. Peer groups are just groups of people who run together. You can run or not run, as you choose, but don't confuse it with loyalty to friends. If your peer group wants to do something stupid, you don't have to go along. They aren't really your friends, because friends would care more about you than to involve you in something that harms you.

The best criteria for making choices is to ask yourself whether a particular action or a certain relationship helps you to move toward being the kind of person you want to be, or whether it interferes and blocks you from that development. Value yourself and feel secure within yourself. Happiness doesn't depend on outward circumstances, but on your own attitude and outlook. So you can be a fulfilled person regardless of what crowd you run with or whether you are friends with a certain person.

Analyze your interests. What do you really enjoy doing? Get involved in those activities, and you'll meet people who care about those things too. This gives you a reason to be together and something to talk about. Make your choices on that basis and friendships will start to grow.

Spiritual resources are important for a balanced approach to handling any circumstance of life. In a relationship with God, people have the assurance that God is with them always.