Dating Relationships

Many young adults experience feelings of loneliness or anxiety. Often they are uncertain about their own social skills and they feel cut off from the sorts of relationships that will bring them fulfillment. It is disturbing to feel that life is passing you by. It may seem that others have it all together, that everyone else is living the good life pictured in TV commercials, and you are the only one who is left out of the action.

The first thing to realize is that you are an individual in your own right, with identity and value within your own personhood. You don't have to depend on anyone else to give meaning to your life. Of course everyone has a strong need for companionship, and the craving for affection is a normal part of life. But many people are looking for someone or something outside themselves to provide the magic key that will unlock the door to happiness and fulfillment.

The truth of course is that happiness comes from inner resources, not from influences imposed from without. Fulfillment is possible no matter what the romantic or marital status of a person might be.

Even so, dating and romance play a big role in the degree of satisfaction with their lives expressed by young adults. These years are the optimum time for social contacts, providing the maximum freedom with the best development of social skills.

But even in this stage, social relationships are somewhat strange and unpredictable. Maturity levels vary. Some people are relaxed and comfortable in relating to others, some are just beginning to develop social skills. The important thing is to relax with your own gifts and see yourself as a worthwhile individual with abilities and possibilities.

IMPORTANT GUIDELINES:

• Enjoy a variety of social interests and don't be in a hurry to narrow your attention down to one person. Going places with different friends offers the opportunity for greater self-understanding and growth, and it also avoids the pressure and overheating of a one-to-one relationship. Trying to get too intense too soon can scare off a potential dating partner.
• Group activities provide the best setting for getting to know people without a lot of pressures and hassles. So try to get into a warm fellowship of friends who share their interests together. Focus on the activity rather than on dating possibilities. The shared interest will spark a mutual attraction which will then give a foundation for an ongoing relationship.
• Dating relationships are best when they are based on friendship. And friendship is best when it's based on shared interests. So this is the first clue to getting into the social scene. Take stock of yourself, your own abilities and interests. Get involved in some activities where these can be developed. Then look about for people who enjoy those activities too.
• Break out of the mold; develop some completely new interests. Go out for a sport, join a club, take a night course, get into an active church group for young singles--whatever! The important thing is to get into contact with people who like the same things you do and who share your goals and standards in life.
  
  This matter of standards is an important issue. Many young adults bemoan the fact that they just can't find a trustworthy, caring partner who is interested in a serious relationship. The problem is that often they are not looking where the trustworthy, caring people congregate! The places a person goes, the people a person runs with, the kind of things a person is interested in--these are clues to the kind of dating partner s/he is going to be. It may be possible to find a diamond in the junk drawer, but your odds are much better in a jewelry case! So if you are looking for a person of character, go where quality people are engaged in challenging, worthwhile activities.

Finally, consider your social life in the light of God's plan for your life. If you have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, you will want every aspect of your life to be according to his will. You can trust him with your feelings of frustration and loneliness. You can share with him your need for direction and wisdom. And you can ask him for the strength to resist temptation and to make good choices. You can find peace and comfort in the assurance that he will meet all your needs according to his own loving will for you.