Coping with a Loss

Losing something of value--whether it's a relationship, a friend, a position, or a cherished possession--can have a strong impact on a person's well-being. The experience can make you feel unsure of yourself and insecure. Life is disrupted and you are left with uncomfortable questions and unpleasant feelings.

These feelings must be acknowledged and addressed in order to deal with the loss in a healthy and creative way. There is a grief process which must be worked through. Failing to recognize the process or fighting against it will only delay the process of recovery.

First, there is shock and disbelief. It seems impossible to believe that this has really happened. A kind of numbness comes over the body and mind. We may resort to daydreaming or fantasies to deny the reality.

Next comes resentment, perhaps even anger. We may ask: Why? Why me? Why is life so unfair? We may even be angry with the persons who were involved.

Guilt is another emotion that may follow. We may feel guilty for things we said or did--or failed to do--in connection with the experience.

Depression is a part of the process and it may accompany any or all of these stages. There may be no energy or interest in the present. There may be a feeling that life has stopped or there is no point in going on. We may feel that things will never be the same, that nothing can ever replace what we have lost.

But eventually the grieving process must come to a close. We realize that we cannot change the way things are. Acceptance leads us to focus attention on the present, not the past. We acknowledge that life must go on, and we begin to concentrate on new experiences and opportunities. This does not mean that we expect these things to take the place of what we have lost. It simply means that we expand our horizons to make room both for the memory we cherish and for the possibilities of new experiences.

Through all this process, it can be helpful to verbalize feelings with the right person--someone skilled in counseling or a friend who has gone through a similar experience. The greatest resource of strength is a real relationship with God. He understands our hurts and fears, and he will give comfort and hope for the future.

Suggested Reading

The first and most important resource for any need is God’s Word, the Bible. We have suggested some Scriptures which apply to this topic. For additional suggestions, see our page, Where to Look in the Bible.