Recovering from Rape

A rape occurs every ten minutes in the United States, making it one of the most rapidly increasing crimes in our society. Whether this increase is due to more frequent occurrence or to greater awareness and more frequent reporting is not clear; however, only about one in ten rapes is reported. The attention being focused does offer greater hope that victims of rape can get help and recover from this trauma.

Part of this awareness is a new understanding of what constitutes rape. Rape is an act of violence which involves sex. It is not limited to strangers attacking women. Men, women, children, family members, spouses, neighbors, dates, good friends, casual acquaintances, unfortunate passersby--anyone can become a victim. Rape is not an act of sexual passion. Anger and violence are the motivating factors in sexual assault, not sexual desire.

MYTHS ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT

"You were foolish/careless/guilty; you could have prevented it."

FACT: Rape is never the victim's fault. A bad decision or mistake is not an offense deserving of rape. In 87% of all rape cases, the offender either carried a weapon or threatened the victim with death. The primary reaction of almost all persons to sexual assault is fear for their lives.

"You were asking for it; you shouldn't have dressed like that/gone to that place/behaved that way."

FACT: No one enjoys being brutalized, humiliated, and put in fear of injury or death. Nobody's behavior or dress gives another person the right to rape. Even in social situations, one always has the right to say "no."

"Rapists are usually strangers."

FACT: Most victims know their attackers. Studies show that approximately half of all rapes occur in the victim's home. Whether the offender is a friend, neighbor, spouse, or boyfriend, forced intercourse is still rape. The most rapidly increasing rape reported is "date rape."

"The rapist is attracted to the victim physically and sexually."

FACT: Victims of every age, shape, race, and social class are chosen, apparently on the basis of availability and vulnerability, without regard to physical appearance. Both sexes are vulnerable--1 out of 6 men are victims of sexual assault.

"The problem is overrated; many women "cry rape" for revenge or blackmail."

FACT: The rate of false reporting for sexual assault is only two percent, which is the same rate for false reporting of other felonies. Women do not typically lie about sexual assault, partly because of public embarrassment and partly due to the treatment often given rape victims in the judicial process.

WHY DOES A PERSON COMMIT RAPE?

Types of offenders vary, but experts believe that the sexual offender is motivated by power, control, and deviant sexual arousal to violent situations. These factors seem to sexualize the violence associated with this type of assault. Basic needs become distorted, through faulty thinking. The sexual assault is a criminal attempt to meet these needs, without concern for the victim. The rapist is expressing hatred, rage, self-centered greed, and a callous disregard for others.

WHAT SHOULD A RAPE VICTIM DO?

There are both immediate and long-range steps to be taken. After the initial process of getting care, the rape should be reported. Many persons are reluctant to do this, but it is important in order to keep the attacker from raping again.

If the rapist's identity is known, police will help to decide about filing charges. If the rapist is caught or is already known, and the District Attorney does not try the case, the victim can get a lawyer and sue for damages. This could be crucial to the recovery process. Many cities have Rape Crisis Centers which offer investigative, medical, and legal help.

Counseling is very important, both at the time of the rape and for as long as necessary afterwards. Rape is psychologically as well as physically damaging. Victims need to talk about their feelings with a trained counselor; a victims support group can be a crucial source of help. Family members, the spouse, or a dating partner may also need counseling in order to be supportive and to deal with their own emotional stress.

COMMON DEFENSE MECHANISMS

Repression - Forcing of unacceptable ideas and impulses into the unconscious (amnesia, selective loss of memory). A rape victim may not be able to remember particular parts of a rape incident.

Suppression - Suppression is conscious forgetting, while repression is subconscious forgetting. A rape victim may become frightened each time s/he leaves the house at night, consciously pushing away the fear without actively dealing with it.

Denial - The unconscious refusal to acknowledge unacceptable thoughts, feelings, needs, or certain external factors.

Reaction Formation - Attitudes and behavior are adopted which are opposite to impulses. A rape victim may act overly polite or courteous, or express Christian forgiveness toward the offender, while subconsciously feeling intense anger, hostility, and desire for revenge.

Rationalization - The unconscious effort to justify intolerable feelings, behaviors, and motives in order to make them tolerable at the conscious level. Thus the rape victim may buy into the "She was asking for it" attitude.

Projection - Emotions, behavior and motives which are consciously intolerable are denied, then attributed to others. A rape victim experiencing great self-hate may project those feelings onto friends or a counselor, assuming she is condemned or disliked.

Displacement - The unconscious shifting of emotions from one idea or object to another. A rape victim who is subconsciously filled with rage toward the offender may lash out at coworkers for some unrelated offense.

Sublimation - Channeling energy from instinctual drives to constructive, socially acceptable behavior or activity. A rape victim may become obsessively involved in an activity or relationship to block the pain.

Isolation - The separation of the emotional component from a thought. A rape victim may describe the rape in horrifying detail, without apparent emotional tone.

Regression - The reversion, under stress, to patterns of behavior and gratification that are more typical of a child. The adult victim may pout or become uncooperative, and childlike.

Conversion - Unconscious conflicts are expressed symbolically in the form of bodily symptoms. The victim may experience extreme pain upon intercourse for several months following the assault.

STAGES OF ADJUSTMENT

SHOCK - "I'm numb."

Victims usually remember very little, if anything, about what occurs during the first hours after an attack.

DENIAL - "This can't have happened."

The victim may be unable to face the severity of the crisis, but will spend time gathering strength. This period serves as a cushion for the more difficult stages of adjustment which follow.

ANGER - "What did I do? Why me?"

Much of the anger may relate to the loss of strength and control over the victim's own life. The anger may be directed toward the rapist, the authorities, oneself, or even God.

BARGAINING -"Let's pretend it didn't happen."

Subconsciously the victim bargains not to deal with the rape in exchange for not having to continue to experience the pain. In so doing, s/he may continue to deny the emotional impact the rape has had.

DEPRESSION -"I feel so dirty--so worthless."

Drastic changes in sleeping or eating habits, compulsive rituals, and generalized fears may seem to dominate the survivor's life. Though painful, this stage shows s/he has begun to face the reality of the rape. When negative emotions surface, they can be accepted as normal, temporary, and a sign of progress.

ACCEPTANCE -- "Life can go on."

When enough of the anger and depression is released, the victim enters the stage of acceptance. S/he may still spend time thinking and talking about the rape, but s/he understands and is in control of her/his emotions.

ASSIMILATION - "It's a fact of my life."

At this stage, the victim realizes his/her own self-worth and strength. S/he no longer is focused on the rape experience, for it now meshes with other experiences in life.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO OVERCOME THE TRAUMA OF RAPE?

A person going through a crisis or trauma of any kind will progress through various stages of emotional adjustment. These stages may be encountered at specific times, each time with different intensity.

How individuals handle crisis depends on their life experience, their emotional and spiritual foundations, their sense of self-worth, and their system of support. Being aware of the grief process which accompanies any experience of loss can help the rape victim accept and deal with the trauma.

The most important thing for rape victims to know is that there is hope for the future, through the mercy and power of God's redeeming love. A personal relationship with God through Christ gives the strength we need to overcome even the greatest tragedies of life. We can find the grace to forgive, the power to accept, and the faith to recover from the trauma and rebuild life in a positive way.