The Roots of Success

What kind of upbringing produces success in life? How can parents help young people make the most of their individual talents? What nurtures the creativity, self-confidence, and love of learning that contribute to high achievement?

A 1988 survey by the Gallup Organization for FAMILY CIRCLE magazine compared the childhood memories of 237 extraordinarily successful adults and the parents who raised them, with the responses of a control group of parents chosen at random. The results indicated that the practices which distinguish parents of highly successful children center on three factors:

1. The amount of parental time invested

2. Respect for children's independence

3. Individuality rather than force-fed lessons at an early age

The survey covered the areas of: independence; time, effort, and finances given to support the child's interests; family makeup; personality traits; moral values; family activities; and family influence or encouragement. Some significant findings:

• Fathers of super-achievers played a more active role in their youngsters' lives.
• Parents of achievers spent more time simply talking to their children.
• The successful children were more interested in reading, performing, working on school projects.
• There were significantly more books in the successful-group homes.
• High achievers were more apt to have attended pre-kindergarten.
• Fathers of achievers placed more emphasis on doing well in school, visiting museums, and preparing for a career.
• Successful children were allowed more independence at an earlier age.
• Parents of achievers placed a higher value on such qualities as curiosity, good sense, and sound judgment than on obedience and honesty.
• Parents of achievers were much less likely to scold or spank as a means of discipline. Instead, emphasis was on learning to make sound judgments. Obedience was a means to an end, not an end in itself.
• Parents of super successful children placed much less emphasis on group activities, and more on interpersonal communication.
• Achievers and their parents always expected to be successful. Parents viewed their children as handling crises well, being ambitious, and having original ideas.
• Most successful people credited their parents--25% specified their fathers--as being the greatest influence in their success. Encouragement rather than specific prodding was the most important contribution to their development. But the parents were less likely to take credit for their contribution, perhaps demonstrating their basic respect for the child's abilities. Most viewed natural talent and ability as more important than self-discipline or luck in achieving success.
• Nearly 60% of the successful people interviewed were either the oldest child or the only child in their family. Of those who grew up with brothers and sisters, more than 40% were either 4 years older or 4 years younger than their siblings. These figures suggest that most successful people enjoyed undivided attention from their parents.

PRINCIPLES FOR HELPING CHILDREN DEVELOP THEIR NATURAL TALENTS

• You can't buy success. Expensive toys, clothes, and lessons are not as important as time spent together--not just staring at the TV, but in conversation, taking an interest in things that interest the child.
• Make room for Daddy. Children flourish when fathers take part in their daily activities.
• Put the children "in charge." There seems to be a correlation between the degree of responsibility youngsters are given and their later success in life.
• Set aside the rule book. Being rigidly strict creates children who can follow rules but can't think for themselves. Good manners and proper behavior can be taught without harshness.
• Treat your children with respect. Give them permission to have their own ideas, needs, and feelings. And don't forget about hugs and kisses!

Spiritual resources are important for a balanced approach to handling any circumstance of life. In a relationship with God, parents have the assurance that God is with them always.