One of the most difficult aspects of pastoring is seeing people you love \u2013 people you have prayed for, counseled, served and been there for \u2013 decide to leave the church. It happens, and it hurts. It can also be heartbreaking and hard on you as a pastor and difficult for your family.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not unusual to see departures because of relocations. While difficult, everyone understands that jobs change, school ends and people move. But people will also leave your church for other reasons. They desire something different, they disagreed with your leadership or vision and a host of other reasons.<\/p>\n
As a normative-size (under 200) replanted church, everyone notices when a family leaves. If the departing family belonged to your gospel community, if your children played with their children, if your older children served as babysitters for their kids, if you had them over for dinners or holidays, if you prayed together, cried and laughed together, if you called them friends, your entire family will feel the pain of loss.<\/p>\n
As you grieve, you may ask: \u201cWhat should I communicate to my family?\u201d<\/p>\n
1. Communicate your love<\/strong><\/p>\n When those we grow close to decide to leave, it causes us pain. The reason it causes pain is because you love them and have been loved by them. Tears and heartache are good signs that you have the capacity to love deeply and fully. Talk about your love for these friends and how it will continue, regardless of where they find themselves on a Sunday morning.<\/p>\n 2. Provide general information, rather than details<\/strong><\/p>\n Sometimes departures are due to sin, misunderstanding and conflicts that may be forgiven but lead to separation. Guarding your family from the details in situations like this is prudent and wise. Likely your family will see that person again and if they know the details regarding their departure, they may not be able to see beyond them. In some rare instances, when a significant moral failure has occurred it is necessary to communicate enough to be clear that something has happened that was not God\u2019s design or desire and that sin has consequences.<\/p>\n