Planter Wives Blog

"Why won't you cheat on me?
That was the question my husband asked.
 
"Because I love you and God said not to.
That was the Jesus-girl answer I gave. 
 
I don't plan to commit adultery. So, honestly, I've never thought about it. 
After our fun date-night convo, we agreed that we needed a plan other than "love" and "God said don't.
Why? 
Because we don't always feel in-love; and just because God said SO doesn't mean we DO SO.  

Don't half of marriages end in divorce? 

 

Ministry marriages are not exempt from marital tragedy.
 
Here's My Proactive plan NOT TO commit adultery. 
 
1. I stake guardrails around my emotions.  A ministry friend of mine disclosed that she had an Emotional Affair.  What happened?  For women "Sex isn't the prize. The relationship is the prize" (Shannon Etheridge).  Most marriages experience a relational void that can cause a woman to feel as if she will emotionally dehydrate.  Busyness, lack of communication, personal baggage, unengaged husband, feeling misunderstood, and more; can create emotional vulnerability.
 
How far is too far emotionally?  
 
Speak to a woman who has committed adultery and her words sound like this, "I never intended for it to happen.  All we were doing was talking.”   When we are emotionally vulnerable, small conversations can become bait that lures us to bond with another man. If this guardrail is missing, we enter into an enticing, overinflated this-guy-understands-me-better-than-my-husband emotional bond.
 
2. I train my thoughts to rehearse the good more than the bad.
 
Our husbands have characteristics that attracted us when we fell in love. AND, they have characteristics that repel us now that we are married.
 
What happens when we repeatedly watch our favorite chick-flick? We can quote it! Right?  

If we allow our thoughts to rehearse the undesirable things about our husband, then eventually our husband will be the undesirable thing.  Like a red sock in the white laundry, what we mentally rehearse affects everything.
 
What attracted you to your husband?  Remember! Rehearse the good more than the bad.
 
3. I communicate to my husband that sex is fun.  (Put your eyebrows back down. I know I just said that publicly, but what's important is that HE KNOWS I believe this.) 
 
I'm on the edge here admitting that sex was not always fun. AND it had nothing to do with him. Although I'm quite certain I might have made him feel that way.  Lack of sexual confidence can kill the fun.  

  • Comparison Voices- those magazine covers that scream at you, “You don’t look like this!”
  • Past Voices- past experiences or abuse get into bed with us. There’s healing to be found! 
  • Definition Voices- sex is a duty, a reward, something we manipulate. These are not true.

Satan will do his best to get you in bed before you're married, and do his best to keep you out of bed once you are married. (That’s not original with me).
 
 “My husband is the king and he has brought ME into His chambers!” (Song of Solomon 1:4) How fun!
 
Give thought to a your own proactive plan.  Why won't you cheat on your husband?  Write them down, then tell them to your husband.  He will LOVE IT!