If you ever doubt your abilities to be hospitable, remember the day I served leftover hot dogs.
My husband and I were at a small church, and our two sets of twins were one and three years old. Sunday mornings are crazy for a pastor’s wife, and this was one of those rough ones. I had burned the eggs. We’d had a couple of diaper blowouts right before we left. Toys were everywhere. I arrived at church wearing two different shoes and no earrings.
After the service, a visitor was talking with my husband, and I walked up just as he said to her, “We’d love to have you come to our house for lunch.” My heart sank. I knew the disaster I had left behind an hour earlier, and I knew the plan for lunch: microwaving leftover hot dogs from two nights before. Flustered, I said, “Oh yes, we’d love to have you come. We’re having hot dogs. I hope that’s okay.”
At home, the house smelled of dirty diapers and burnt eggs, so I cleaned up and lit candles. (Candles cover a multitude of smells.) Our guest sat down at the kitchen table, while the kids, tired and whining, complained, and I microwaved the hot dogs. When I looked over, she was crying.
“Honey, are you okay?” I asked.
“Mrs. Tara,” she said, “it feels just like my home. Thank you for having me.”
In my heart, I felt like the worst, least hospitable person in the world. My house was a disaster. It smelled funny. There were toys everywhere, and I was microwaving hot dogs. Yet she repeated, “It feels just like my home.”
The Misconception That Paralyzes Us
The misconception we face most often is that hospitality is the same as hostessing. We equate being hospitable with being the hostess with the mostest, which brings expectations we put on ourselves. I’m not a good cook. My house doesn’t look like a magazine or social media. I don’t know how to set the table perfectly, and I don’t use fine china or a centerpiece.
When we think about all the things we are not, we can become paralyzed, and those fears often keep us from showing hospitality because we’re thinking about it like hostessing. But Scripture shows us that hospitality and hostessing are two very different things.
With hostessing, the spotlight is on us: our house, our cooking, our place settings, our centerpieces, our food. Hospitality puts the spotlight on God: His goodness, His love, His faithfulness, and His provisions. But more than anything, hospitality displays the gospel.
We were lost in our sins, and God saved us. Therefore, everything I have belongs to Him: my life, my home, my calendar, my money. So the question we should ask ourselves is, “How can I use my life to display Him and His gospel to the people around me?”
That’s why we don’t have to be paralyzed by leftover hot dogs, a sink full of dishes, or dirty diapers. Hospitality isn’t about perfection. It’s just one person who loves Jesus and wants to show His love to others. And sometimes people feel that best through leftover hot dogs.
A Command, a Heart, and a Pursuit
Scripture, from Genesis to Revelation, showcases the hospitality of our God to His people. In the New Testament, hospitality becomes a command to believers. It is not a suggestion, and it doesn’t depend on whether you have the gift of hospitality, an extroverted personality, a beautiful home, or time in your schedule. Three verses show us how biblical hospitality works.
Hebrews 13:2 says, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers” (NASB). When we’re uncomfortable with something, our human tendency is to set it aside, ignore it a little, or put it off. But as believers, we are not to neglect — or ignore — this command, even for strangers.
1 Peter 4:9 says to show hospitality “without complaining” (CSB). I can be guilty of this. One night, after a long day with little kids, toys everywhere, and a group coming over, I was making a big pot of chili because it can feed a large number of people (while not being very expensive). I didn’t realize what I was doing until my husband asked, “Tara, why are you sighing with every stir?” Friend, we are to show hospitality with a joyful, non-sighing heart, because we’re obeying the Lord.
Romans 12:13 gives us two simple words: “pursue hospitality” (CSB). Think of the children’s game hide-and-seek. This is how we are to be with hospitality. We are to be intentional, looking for opportunities to showcase God’s faithfulness to us.
The three verses move in a progression. First, it’s a command. Second, we obey it with a heart that matches the command. Third, we pursue it intentionally.
Jesus was one of the most hospitable people who ever walked the earth. He had a really busy schedule and didn’t even have a place to lay His head, and yet everyone who came around Him could feel His love through His actions. We want to be women who look like Christ in how we display the gospel.
Start Where God Already Has You
So, where do we start? We begin with our daily rhythms. Where does God have you going? Think about your kids’ school, your workplace, the gym, your regular grocery store, coffee shop, laundromat, or dry cleaners. Wherever you’re going, ask the Lord how you can leverage it for the gospel.
Here is how I like to think of it: Let’s be women who take every opportunity to open our hearts, homes, and lives to showcase God’s faithfulness to us and display the gospel to those around us.
However, this looks very different from the way people normally act today. If we aren’t intentional, we can become self-focused, on our phones, consumed with our daily tasks. So many drive into the garage and close the door before they ever get out of the car, perhaps to avoid seeing their neighbors.
If you’re thinking, I’m scared. I don’t know how to do this, be encouraged: God has given you everything you need. He has given you His Spirit. He has put you in that place, and He is surrounding you with people in your life who need to know His love.
Small, Practical, and Creative
Let’s think outside the box, get creative, and meet needs in practical ways. We can be genuine and real in our hospitality. Here are a few ways to begin.
Involve your kids. Since ours were little, we’ve prepped them with who’s coming over and given them a few questions to ask around the table. Let your kids see you trying to live out this command in Scripture, both by opening your home and bringing things to others. Let them help you make the cookies you’re going to deliver, the lemonade you’ll pass out from a picnic table in the front yard, or the goody bags you’ll give to people you pass on street corners.
Take it to work. I was a second-grade teacher for four years, and I loved using Post-it Notes to write an encouraging Bible verse or note and stick it on someone’s desk. I’d divide up an inexpensive flower bouquet and give someone a flower or two, or leave a bag of chocolate. Through these little gestures, I was just trying to say, “I see you. I see what you’re doing. I love how God is using you in your classroom.” I didn’t shy away from saying, even with non-believers, “I’m praying for you today.” And nobody ever asked me to stop leaving notes or chocolate on their desk.
Look for the one. When we notice people, we are imaging God. In the Gospels, Jesus’ eyes were always on the one: the marginalized, the weak, the hurting, the sick. When we think about the one, we really are thinking like Jesus.
Budget for it. Showing hospitality often involves money. My friend Catherine Renfro calls hers a “bread budget,” a line item in the monthly budget. Adding this in gives you the freedom to practice hospitality.
From Kindness to the Gospel
We don’t want to be merely kind, generous people. This is for a purpose: we want to get people to the gospel. We want to get them to Jesus.
Never underestimate three words: Jesus loves you. Those of us who grew up in church know them so well that they can lose some of their power. But for someone who doesn’t have hope, who is broken, who needs the love of Jesus, hearing those words matters. Jesus loves you; here’s a bottle of water. Jesus loves you; here’s a full-size candy bar. Jesus loves you; here’s a nice tip at the end of my bill.
Keep cards with your church’s name on them in your purse, backpack, or lunchbox so you can invite others. The worst thing someone can say is no. But if you’re faithful to invite, someone may say, “I’m looking for a church.” Then you can say, “Do you want to sit with me? I’d love to have you come. I’ve got a spot for you right beside me. I’ll meet you in the parking lot.”
If you’re thinking you just cannot do this, I promise you can. Hospitality is just opening your heart, home, and life to others, showcasing the faithfulness of God to you. So, offer to the Lord what you have (even if it’s leftover hot dogs), and watch what only He can do with it through you.
This article was adapted from a Women’s Evangelism Webinar. Learn more about women’s evangelism events and resources at namb.net/women.