When my husband and I moved into a new neighborhood, we did what pastors and their wives are supposed to do. We knocked on doors. We introduced ourselves. We invited our neighbors to church and to the events our church was hosting.
And they didn’t come.
I remember being baffled. We’re nice people! We had good events! Why wouldn’t they want to come? The people around us hadn’t grown up in church. Many had never stepped inside one. To us, an invitation sounded friendly. To them, it sounded like walking into a place where they had no idea what to do, what to wear, or what would be expected of them.
I want to be clear that I believe in inviting people to church and in event-based evangelism. There is a place for both. But when our neighbors kept saying no, something shifted. They weren’t going to come to church. But they would come and stand in our yard and talk to us.
That realization changed how I think about reaching people.
Where Jesus Did Ministry
That frustration sent me back to Scripture with a simple question: How did Jesus do ministry? As I read through the book of Mark, I noticed something I had missed for years. Jesus rarely did ministry inside the synagogue. He was in homes. He was teaching in a house when four friends lowered their paralyzed friend through the roof (Mark 2:1–2). He went to Jairus’s house to heal his daughter (Mark 5:22–43).
I grew up as a minister’s kid, and I’m a minister’s wife, so when I thought about getting people “in the room with Jesus,” I pictured the sanctuary or a room at the church. But the Holy Spirit lives inside believers. Wherever we are, Jesus is. That means the room where people meet Him could be my living room, my front yard, or the sidewalk in front of my house.
I still want people at church. But my invitations shifted to getting people into an environment where Jesus is present, and He is present in us.
What Hospitality Is Not
When I say “hospitality,” I’m not talking about entertaining. The dictionary defines it as the friendly, generous, welcoming treatment of guests, and that’s the whole idea: a welcoming heart. It helps to say what hospitality is not.
It’s not perfection. The more real my home is, the more comfortable people seem to be in it. There might be dust on the shelves, or something on the counter, because that’s where my kids dropped it. A perfectly set table can be intimidating to the people we want to reach. We once invited a group over and ordered pizza on paper plates, with no centerpiece and nothing fancy. It was one of our best nights.
It’s not performance. I’m not trying to be the perfect hostess. I’m not trying to be anyone but myself. That authenticity is what connects us with the people God has put around us.
It’s not a program. Hospitality isn’t a team at church or a calendar item. It’s a lifestyle, lived with the awareness that the people around us lack context for church. It’s a mind shift and an attitude shift.
Start in the Yard
The first step is simply to meet your neighbors. If you don’t have a dog, my advice is to get one. A dog or a child in a stroller gives you a reason to be on the sidewalk and an easy way to start a conversation.
From there, I’ve learned that people will come if they don’t have to come inside. So, we gather under the carport or out in the backyard.
One tip: ask people to bring something. Someone who arrives with a favorite dessert has a purpose and something in her hands, and that makes it easier to say yes. Other favorites have been a cookie swap and a neighborhood soup night.
At these gatherings, I’m not proclaiming a message to the group. I’m listening and getting to know families. Then, when I see those neighbors on the sidewalk, we already have a relationship.
Notice What’s Happening in Their Lives
Sometimes hospitality is simply paying attention. When you hear someone say she’s pregnant, engaged, or going through a hard season, you have an opening.
A woman in my gym class mentioned that she was getting married. She and her fiancé had come from a difficult background, had recently begun a relationship with the Lord, and wanted to do things right. I ordered a pair of “Mr.” and “Mrs.” mugs online just to say, “I see you. I support you. I’m here if you need me.” About a month into the marriage, she asked if we could talk and told me about the struggles she was having.
Another time, I noticed that a withdrawn neighbor was expecting a baby. She had never said a word to me. I asked some other women on the street to join me in putting together a gift basket of diapers and wipes. She didn’t have to say anything; she could just take it. That basket opened a door. Later, when she was walking through a difficult life circumstance, she came to our home for dinner, and we supported her through it.
You give because you want people to know that God loves them and then you wait to see how He uses it.
Slow, Steady Warmth
Here’s what I’ve seen happen. As relationships form in small steps, neighbors begin to come to us when they need something. People have rung our doorbell and asked, “Can you pray for me?” A neighbor who was standoffish at first now stops her car when she sees me walking the dog. It took about nine months of baby steps, but we’re building a relationship.
At the gym, I don’t stand up and give a devotional. I ask about people’s families, how they ended up in Houston, and how their kids are doing. I do it to warm them to me; not to manipulate them, but because I care about them.
For some, it takes years. Two years in, one woman from my class reached out to me and said, “My mom just had a stroke. Can you pray for her?” The door was open. I could tell her I’d been praying for her mom and ask if I could share some Scripture with her.
We’d all love to see everyone saved right away, but that isn’t where most of us live. For people with no church background, consistent hospitality is how God warms their hearts.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
In Mark 2, it took four friends to get one man into the house where Jesus was. You don’t have to do this by yourself, either.
Look around and ask, “Where are my Christian friends?” Invite one to help you host. If your kids play on the same ball team, find another believer and gather the team moms together. Go out in pairs. Go out in fours.
I do this myself. Every week, a group of women from my neighborhood comes to my house. They come from many different backgrounds, and some of them are lost. It intimidates me every Thursday. So, I asked a friend to come alongside me, because it’s a lot to carry all those questions by myself. Having her there gives me the boost I need to say, “We can do this together.”
That’s also how we equip the women in our churches. Don’t send them out alone. Help them find a friend and get them in the room.
Keep the Goal in View
Hospitality without a goal is just a party. In everything I do, the goal is to introduce people to Jesus. It may not happen tonight or even the next time we’re together. It may take two years, as it did with my friend at the gym. But I can’t forget that this is where I’m headed.
So, I listen for openings. When someone shares something hard, I ask, “Can I pray for you? Do you mind if my family prays for you at dinner tonight?” The next time I see her, I say, “Our family’s been praying for you.” Those are small seeds.
A chance conversation with a young woman who felt lost opened the door to share where my purpose comes from. I didn’t teach a Bible study lesson; I shared what God has done in my life.
The neighbors who wouldn’t come to our church were willing to come to our yard. Wherever we welcome people in love, Jesus is in the room.
This article was adapted from a Women’s Evangelism Webinar. Learn more about women’s evangelism events and resources at namb.net/women.