It feels annoyingly like the same pattern I’ve been in before.
You’ve experienced it, too. Repeatedly.
It’s that place in your head when you begin to ask:
- “Did God really lead us here? Maybe we missed it.”
- “Did I hear God, or am I making it up in my head?”
Maybe I just thought God said plant a church in Mali, (a country in the desert of Africa); but He meant Maui, (a dreamy island in the paradise of Hawaii).
I live in the rhythm of Eve.
One moment I know exactly what God said, and the next I’m entertaining Satan’s first question,
“Did God really say __________?” (fill in the blank.)
The blank changes, but the question doesn’t.
It’s the same question because Satan is not creative. God creatively calls us to something and Satan slithers in with that unoriginal question, “Did God really say___________?”
The more vulnerable I am, the louder the question.
DO ANY OF THESE VULNERABLE MOMENTS MATCH YOURS?
1. I’m vulnerable when my life doesn’t mirror that neatly packaged paragraph I read in that book.
I’m inspired to live what I read. I forget that the writer of that paragraph lived in chaos before it was neatly summed up with a conclusion. I want the conclusion. Now. So Maybe God didn’t really say_____________.
2. I’m vulnerable when my expectation meets disillusionment.
Expectation and reality is not the same thing. I know this. I just don’t transfer this principle into my next season of life. I had expectations of how I would parent, and then reality. I had expectations of ministry-life, and then reality. It’s not that reality is bad. It’s just that the chasm between expectation and reality is where I walk a tight rope of disillusionment. So Maybe God didn’t really say_____________.
3. I’m vulnerable when I perceive God is silent. God can be silent. Then there are moments I perceive He’s silent because the thoughts in my head are too loud to hear His voice. So Maybe God didn’t really say_____________.
4. I’m vulnerable when I compare my life to the perceived success of others. (this subject is a blog all by itself. ) Why is it I think my “success” will look like someone else’s success? If it doesn’t, maybe God didn’t really say___________.
5. I’m vulnerable when the “GO DO” feels bigger than the “CAN DO.”
I got myself into this gig because I thought God said, “Go do…” At junctures on the journey my “can do” feels inadequate. I feel like Julianne on My Best Friend’s Wedding, “I’m pond scum. Well lower actually. I’m the fungus that feeds on pond scum.” So Maybe God didn’t really say_____________.
6. I’m vulnerable when my inner world can’t be quiet. I’m not talking about missing a hot bath before bed. I’m talking about when my head hits the pillow to sleep and my mind is wide-awake. When I’m wresting tangled emotions and rehearsing tomorrow before it happens. Maybe God didn’t really say_____________.
7. I’m vulnerable when my pace of life is on empty. I don’t have what it takes anymore, so maybe God didn’t really say_____________.
Knowing your vulnerable places is the first step in recognizing that the question “Did God really say_________? Isn’t from God at all.
What are your vulnerable moments?
Published June 4, 2014
