My Kids are Killing Me

I hope that got your attention! I am sure what there are some common thoughts that pop into all of your minds when you read this title.  

These kids are killing…my house

My budget

My figure

My schedule

My car

My carpet

My sanity….

All of these things have a touch of truth in them!  But my heart turned to some other things this week as I prepared my kiddos back to school.

There were many things that exhausted me as summer ended and the new school year began, but I found a few things that killed me. Better yet there are some things that my kids are killing IN me.

First, my kids are killing my sense of purpose.  Before these three small people came into my life, I had a great purpose. I knew what my ministry to women was going to look like and I knew that I was going to pursue my Master’s degree in School Administration. What a purpose!!  But God birthed a new purpose….to disciple these three little people in loving God and loving others and to also love each of them to distraction! This purpose wears me out and fulfills me everyday.

Secondly, I discovered that these precious children are killing my personal identity. Before they came along, I knew who I was. I was a Christ-follower, a wife and a woman who loved to teach. I was a loyal friend and a faithful volunteer. Enter three little people! My identity, as I knew it, was killed. My new identity became …Christ-follower, wife and MOM.  All other things dropped into the background, not as unimportant, but as secondary. At first, grudgingly, then hesitatingly, then joyfully.  My identity was radically altered and it has never been better. Moms don’t get to always be the kind of friends that they imagine.  They don’t always get to serve in all the places they would like to serve. There is a higher calling to moms. A new identity! And it kills us!!

Finally, my three babies, who are no longer babies, also are absolutely killing my self-image.  Sounds appalling to say that I know, but my image before kids, truly was all about “self”!  What I needed, what was best for me, the best use of my time, what I wanted to buy, where I wanted to to!  Then the three came!!  My identity was killed, or better yet, reborn.  I learned and am still learning that life isn’t “all about me”!  It’s about investing in the lives of these little people, people that have been given to me to steward and take care of for a very little while.  These kiddos have forced me to recognize that, as hard as I try, the world doesn’t revolve around me.  That’s not to say it revolves around my children either. They just forced me to look outside of my little world and then focus on the world that Christ has set before me. Not focusing on myself takes training.  It’s tough! It’s killing me!!

“Father, may more of me die so that more of You may be shown to the world!  Thanks for using my kids to begin to accomplish this!”  

Published September 12, 2014